Replacing Missing Piece #2: Goals

Set a family vision
One of the most common mistakes I see women (and men) make is to think of their goals and dreams as something separate from their families. As a wife and mother (or husband and father), it's a mistake to approach goal-setting with an attitude of, "How can I get away from my family long enough to squeeze this in?" Sure, you will have some things you want to accomplish that don't involve your husband or your kids, but I think you'll find that the most fulfilling, exciting goals of all involve a more grand vision of what you want your family -- your kids, grandkids, great-grandkids -- to stand for. A lot of people recommend starting with a 10-year vision for your life. I recommend starting with a 100-year vision for your family.

Find some time with your husband and have fun discussing questions like:

• If your family were to have a well-known reputation 100 years from now, what would it be?
• If you were to create a new coat-of-arms for your family today, what images would be on it? What would the family motto be?
• Take this family priorities quiz. How are your and your husband's results different? If you don't have the same things in your top three, why not?

Finding your "blue flame"
After you've thought about your family goals, it's time to find your "blue flame" and set personal goals. In his highly recommended book, Never Eat Alone (see Recommended Reading), Keith Ferrazzi defines your "blue flame" as the intersection of what you're passionate about and what you're good at. Once you find your blue flame you'll find the practice of setting and accomplishing goals much easier.

I often hear moms reply to this with, "My 'blue flame' is being a mom -- my goal is just to be a good mother." Of course it is! But being a good mother isn't mutually exclusive with having a specific passion -- in fact, it's helpful. Everyone loves to be around people who know who they are, what they stand for and where they're going, and kids are no exception. Sharing your passions with your children and involving them in accomplishing your goals is a great way to keep everyone energized and instill a spirit of teamwork in your family.

You'll know when you've found your blue flame because it will tap into a well of energy within you that you didn't even know you had. You want to tell everyone about it, you can't wait to get started on doing something related to it. It could be anything from helping with the world AIDS crisis to keeping up with celebrity gossip to making clothes. Whatever inspires you.

Set short-term goals
Once you've discovered your blue flame you'll find it much easier to set life goals. You now have something that inspires to get up and get moving, to take your daily routine to the next level.

Be warned, though: it's easy to set grand goals and dream big yet never do anything about it. This is why I recommend not spending too much time on your big, 30-year vision for your life. Just take it a few months at a time. Set short-term goals with deadlines and actually accomplish them.

That's not to say that it's not important to have long-term goals -- I do recommend you put serious thought into that -- but what will provide you with the daily satisfaction that we at-home moms need so much is to have the feeling that you're constantly making solid, measurable accomplishments. Without a boss to oversee your progress and the threat of being fired to keep you motivated, it is more important to set short-term goals and accomplish them than to have a great long-term vision that you never do anything about.

I recommend getting in the habit of having a goal for each quarter of the year. I think that this concept is so important, in fact, that I gave it its own section where you can read more.

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