After you've thought about your family goals,
it's time to think about your own goals. I often hear moms
reply to this with, "My goal is just to be a good mother."
Of course it is! But being a good mother isn't mutually exclusive
with having a specific passion -- in fact, it's helpful. Everyone
loves to be around people who know who they are, what they
stand for and where they're going, and kids are no exception.
And involving your children in accomplishing your goals is
a great way to keep everyone energized and instill a spirit
of teamwork in your family.
In his highly recommended book, Never Eat Alone
(see Recommended
Reading), Keith Ferrazzi recommends finding your "blue
flame": the intersection of what you're passionate about
and what you're good at. Once you find your blue flame and
discipline yourself to accomplish the goals you set for yourself,
the sky's the limit as to what you can accomplish.
You'll know when you've found your blue flame because it
will tap into a well of energy within you that you didn't
even know you had. You want to tell everyone about it, you
can't wait to get started on doing something related to it.
It could be anything from helping with the world AIDS crisis
to keeping up with celebrity gossip to making clothes. Whatever
inspires you.
Once you've discovered this you'll find that it's much easier
to set life goals. You now have something that inspires you
to get out of bed in the morning and get moving.
Be warned, though: it's easy to set big goals and dream big
yet never do anything about it. This is why I recommend not
spending too much time on your 30-year vision for your life
and simply taking it a half year at a time. Set short-term
goals with deadlines and actually accomplish them.
Especially for those of us outside the workforce,
it is more important to set short-term goals and accomplish
them than to have a solid long-term vision that you never
do anything about. Without a boss to look over your
shoulder and tell you what to do every day, it's all too easy
to fall into a rut and never make progress towards your goals.
You must instill a habit within yourself of meeting your own
deadlines and getting things done.
ACTION ITEMS
You are going to find your blue flame, then create a Three
Month Project related to it that you will accomplish no
matter what. Give yourself three days (no more!) to complete
the following action items.
Finding Your Blue Flame:
Talk to your husband and trusted friends and get their
input. What are you good at? What do you seem most passionate
about?
Read through books on the topic of discovering your
passion. Obviously, I particularly recommend Never
Eat Alone (see Recommended
Reading), whose author coined the phrase "blue
flame."
Decide on what your blue flame is. Even if you're not
completely sure that you've nailed it, take your best
stab and move on.
Get out a sheet of paper and title it Long Term Vision.
On it write:
A description of your blue flame.
A description of what you want your life to be
like one year from today (name that date), in as much
detail as possible.
File this paper in your Goals Folder (from Step
1).
Planning a Three Month Project:
Get out another sheet of paper and title it Three Month
Project. Think of a challenging but doable project that
excites you, that's related to your blue flame, and that
you could accomplish in Three Months. Create the following
sections:
Three Month Deadline: Describe
the completed project in detail.
Two Month Deadline: What do you
need to do by two months from now to hit your Three
Month Deadline?
One Month Deadline: What do you
need to do by next month to hit your Three Month Deadline?
One Week From Today: What do you
need to do by next week to hit your One Month Deadline?
Tomorrow: What do you need to do
tomorrow to get started?
Add your deadlines to your calendar and your to-do
list. File this paper in your Goals Folder.
Add a note to your calendar to repeat this process
in Three Months, after you've finished the current project.
At that time, plan to revisit and make any changes to
your Long Term Vision and create a new Three Month Project.
Do not revise the Long Term Vision before this date.
