Before the 20th century, it was
rare for people to move out of the town they grew up in. You
moved once: when you left your parents' house to get married.
Today, according to the U.S. Census Bureau the average American
will move 11.7 times in his or her lifetime, often going from
one state to another. The result is that our communities have
been decimated, and it's mothers who stay at home who bear
the brunt of this change. The table below highlights some
of the reasons why:
| THEN |
NOW |
| Women's
daily work involved life-or-death issues. There was no
McDonalds if you didn't cook dinner. Women's work was
important to survival. |
Household
work still needs to be done, but no longer involves matters
of life or death -- if you don't cook dinner there's always
McDonald's -- so it's not recognized as being "important". |
| Other children lived nearby whose families you knew
well. You could send your kids outside to play to have
a few moments to yourself. |
You're
all alone -- you don't know your neighbors very well,
family does not live nearby, your street is deserted during
the day. It's like you and your kids are on a desert island. |
| Divorce was almost unheard-of. |
Divorce
is common. Everyone has heard horror stories of women
who didn't have jobs being financially and emotionally
devastated when their husbands left them. No matter how
good your marriage, you can't help but feel a little vulnerable
if you're not bringing in an income. |
| Your
immediate and extended family all lived in the same town.
If you had a problem -- anything from illness to spousal
abuse to money -- people were right there who "had
your back". |
Your
immediate and extended family are scattered all over the
country. They don't know what's going on in your day-to-day
life and couldn't help you in an emergency. |
| You knew the people who lived near you, most of them
being relatives or people you'd known for a long time. |
You
don't know most of your neighbors, certainly not most
people in the neighborhood. You don't feel comfortable
letting your kids run around the neighborhood unsupervised. |
| Your friends were geographically close to you, often
people you'd known your whole life. |
Friends
with whom you develop bonds often leave to move across
the country. Just when you get to know someone with whom
you click they move, often thousands of miles away. |
| You got public recognition for your accomplishments:
people in your community knew if you were a great seamstress,
had an immaculate yard, etc. |
Only
your husband is aware of your accomplishments (and sometimes
it seems like even he doesn't notice). |
In short: to be your children's primary caretaker is the
most natural thing in the world; but to be alone with your
children in a house all day, every day where you are the sole
person available to provide for their safety, nutrition and
entertainment, is totally unnatural. It tests the limits of
psychological endurance.
So what do you do?
First, let's identify the Five
Missing Pieces in modern life. Then, you're ready to start
the challenging, fun process of replacing
the Five Missing Pieces.
|
